Friday, January 3, 2014

Resolution time!

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that the whole idea of "New Year's Resolutions" is terribly clich├ęd. But there is something oddly appealing about a fresh new start in a brand new year and all that jazz, don't you think? It presents a clean slate, a new beginning, a foolish hope of getting one's act together (in spite of Murphy's Law: that unpredictable force of nature which specialises in making life hell). Such wildly fanciful optimism infects gullible folks (like me) with Temporary New Leaf Syndrome: a leading cause of self-delusionary behaviour at the onset of major events (like Birthdays, New Years and Mondays). Symptoms include impossible resolutions, dare-devil bucket lists, random bouts of euphoria (except on the dreaded Mondays) and wholesale consumption of sappy self-help books. Thankfully it is temporary as the name suggests, with effects rarely lasting over a month. For this reason, violation of a New Year's Resolution is considered a healthy sign of normality, ipso facto* absolving the violator of all responsibility. (In short: There's nothing to lose really, so I've made some resolutions because why not?)


Write, damn it, and write more often.
Writing out my coherent thoughts as well as frequent and silly ramblings is something I find really enjoyable. And doing things that make one happy - that's what they say a good life is all about. (Now I don't really know who they are, but apparently they are some sort of important people as everybody is always talking about them. So I've decided to trust them and see where that goes.)

Abuse social media to the maximum.
Otherwise, me watching all those inane videos and diligently blocking every facebook game amounts to nothing, and that's just sad. I've resolved to not be the abusee anymore, but join the massive throngs of abusers by unashamedly plugging my blogs every opportunity I get. So you better read my posts or else! (Unless you've already had enough and proceeded to block me, in which case... err, awkwarrrd.)

Try to make less of a fool of myself.
The keywords here being try and less, because it's not humanly possible to ensure never to make fool of self. It is probably foolhardy to admit, but it's easy to get me all flustered and riled up. I can't even see through good-natured ribbing very often. I'm also supposedly a veritable touch-me-not (my mom still calls me that sometimes, after calming me down when I behave like a hypersensitive adolescent). Thankfully I'm getting marginally better as I grow older; or maybe I've begun to just take myself a little less seriously. But I'm hoping to somehow speed up the process and achieve equanimity, inner peace, nirvana and all the fun stuff before I'm a hundred and fifty.

Worry less.
To me, it's a fundamental fact of life that a certain amount of worrying is necessary to get things done. It doesn't matter who does it, as long as someone somewhere is fulfilling the required quota of worriment and foregoing their share of merriment. Sadly no one agrees on this, and I always end up doing all the heavy-duty worry work. So I really need to help people around me understand that they ought to step up and start worrying more so I may hyperventilate a little less for God's sake! Truly, the amount of help some folks need...

Procrastinate less and do more.
Although I honestly don't know how to, as this is in direct conflict with my one big indulgence which is to be a lazy bum. I've tried it all:
  • Compulsive list-making (somehow everything takes even longer).
  • Elaborate time-tables (got trapped in recursive hell of time-table entries for 'time for making time-tables').
  • Penalties for not sticking to plans (which I'm too lazy to dish out to myself, and moreover, there's simply zero fun in doing that).
  • Incentives for sticking to plans (like a nice book - the thought of which makes me happily abandon all plans, and for which I must visit the library first even though I always have at least twenty books at my disposal due to frequent book buying and prior trips to the library that had been made expressly for such occasions**, or a warm gooey chocolate brownie.... ermm hey I got to go, will be right back).
  • Enhancing mind-focus through pranayama, yoga and suchlike. (Three excruciating classes, after which I've begun to doubt if I actually come from the same culture. Why wouldn't my genes know this stuff otherwise?! Cannot handle an identity crisis on top of all this craziness!)
Clearly, nothing has worked so far. Help, I'm being sucked into the procrastination vortex!

*Disclaimer: Any sort of pretentiousness found here is mostly purely fictional. You may come across occasional snobbery and pompous verbiage, employed solely for the purpose of keeping myself amused while my rusty fingers catch up with the thoughts running amok in my head.
**Please remember to breathe between my long-winded sentences. It doesn't bode well for my blog (and of course you, my dear reader) if you pass out while reading this. If you are still conscious at this point, Happy New Year!